second baby

We painted the nursery today. Nothing like waiting until you're 37 weeks to get his room ready. Please don't read here about how Ainsley's nursery was done well before this time. But I guess it is what it is, at least it will be done before he gets here:) (pics soon once bedding and curtains are in!) Let me preface this post by saying we are so excited for Parker to get here. I will never forget how happy I was when I found out he was a boy and our little family of 4 would now include blue.  But I do feel like we have already neglected him in ways that Ainsley wasn't. Is this going to be a constant struggle? I mean, I was a second child and I have never felt neglected:)  Life is different when you can devote so much to your unborn child as opposed to juggling pregnancy with a toddler. The first time I was pregnant I literally slept on the bathroom floor for 2 weeks because I couldn't be any farther away from the toilet than that. and the cold tile felt so good on my hot sweaty face. All I remember from those two weeks is my mom coming up with every remedy she could possibly find and philip trying his hardest to help in any possible way he could. and being afraid I was going to lose my job because I could not stomach leaving the bathroom let alone taking care of people.  With Parker, the sickness came much sooner but there was no sleeping, let alone even laying in the bathroom. My races to the bathroom were followed by two little feet pattering behind asking 'mommy sick? you ok mommy?'. and in her attempt to help me she would be squirting hand sanitizer on my back, sure this would remedy all sickness. With ainsley I thought I was going to die and would never survive pregnancy. with him, I knew I would somehow make it, but the guilt over not being as present with Ainsley as I was used to, was consuming. I would fall asleep on the couch upstairs and wake up to her holding a stethoscope over my leg, checking on me. we watched lots of elmo and mickey. And the guilt was (is?) gnawing. I hated being that kind of mom but I just felt awful.  So the weekly pictures weren't always on the right day. but hey- I am pretty proud they still got done. I forgot how far along I am pretty frequently but I did download an app to remind me and help me keep track. I might not have obsessed over each new development and kick, but it doesn't mean I haven't loved growing our baby boy in my belly. well, most days:)  The showers were much fewer ( a sweet one by my mom's friends and a lunch with two of my girl friends Erin and Hunter). But he has still gotten so many cute gifts from so many family members and friends .  He is so loved and will be so stylish (in his CAMO!) We didn't spend hours in Buy Buy Baby debating which mattress to buy him, or which pacifier we thought was most beneficial. He got the same mattress we did for Ainsley, and went with the pacifier she preferred. We didn't research the safest stroller or car seat. I ordered a new cover for the one we already had. So technically, research was done. just not new research:)  Like I said, things are just different the second time. In no ways does it mean we don't love him as much. or that we didn't want him as much. or that we're not as excited. because we are, trust me when I tell you we are so so excited. there is just something sort of magical about your first pregnancy and first baby. and I feel bad saying that, but right now it seems true. Maybe after he comes I will have different insight.  But there are also advantages to not being the first.  We won't bring you home from the hospital and look at each other like 'what the h*%$ do we do with this tiny thing'. We won't forget to pack your diaper bag at your first doctors appointment. I will try not to shine my light from my phone in his face all night to make sure he is breathing. We won't be these crazy parents who freak out when someone brings their germy kid over with them to visit (ok maybe we sort of will but that's just because we both are so aware of germs). He will be out and about way earlier than his sister, because life keeps moving and he is now a part of those lives. He gets to be cuddled and loved on by his sibling who has been talking about you for months. All of the first time parents mistakes we made with Ainsley, hopefully we won't make with him. I'm sure we will find a new set of mistakes though:) We are so anxious for him to get here. And while we don't know what life with two will look like, we know it will be so good. hard, yes. we are expecting it to be pretty hard at first. but we know how good it is going to get.  Parker Henry we pray for you every night, all three of us. We are so thankful God entrusted us to raise you while on this Earth. We can't wait to see what you look like, and kiss your face and snuggle you up in bed with us. Soon you are going to enter this world and become a part of a family that is already in love with you:)