Nursing

I know everyone has different aspects of their jobs they struggle with. And each profession has it's own stresses and rewards. I can't speak for other jobs. all I have ever known is nursing. I don't have a lot of experience in other areas. But I need to decompress from my day yesterday.
Let me start by saying I am orienting a new nurse named Dawn. She is wonderful and is going to an amazing nurse. She soaks up what I teach her and figures so much out on her own. that being said, yesterday was a tough day for her. well, and for me, but more for her. she's new to all of this:)
The atmosphere alone was chaotic. our computer system had crashed, and we rely on computers for EVERYTHING (lab work, orders, documenting, everything). so that was gone, which was a challenge in itself. we also had a patient that ended up having a bad outcome. an unexpected bad outcome. and it was handled exactly as it should have been, and everything was done that could have been done. the unexpected was something we could not have predicted. and I know it is tough for Dawn to accept that. but it's true. she did great and called for help immediately. unfortunately the patient did not survive. and as you can imagine, the family was beyond upset. it's a hard hard situation. and I forget sometimes what it is like when I first started nursing and wasn't sure how to handle things like this. Because usually i step back and let Dawn lead while I watch from the sideline making sure shes ok. but this time I took over and let her watch me. I comforted the family the best way I could, explaining exactly what happened and what we did to attempt to bring their family member back to life. I helped pick them off the floor when their legs wouldn't hold them. I offered words of comfort although they felt so useless in a time like that. I let them hit my arm in despair. this is when 'nursing' means 'comforting'. because your focus has now moved from your patient, to your patient's family.
When Dawn left work she said ' I don't like my job today'. and she was very shaken and upset. and I told her that God had a plan for our patient. and her being their nurse was part of that plan. that sometimes things don't make sense, but they do to God.
So last night, i found myself thinking about work a lot more than I usually do. I know it will sound terrible to those of you who aren't in the medical field, but you become desensitized. you have to. because if you don't, you will not be able to do your job. I'm not saying we aren't compassionate. or sympathetic, because nurses are. we cry at work. we cry with out patients and our patients families. but for the most part, you can leave work at work. its rare for me to come home and not be able to put it out of my mind. because if I came home and thought about it all when i wasn't at work, I would need to be on antidepressants. But last night, I thought about the situation from Dawn's eyes. and thought about how hard it is when you are first becoming a nurse. Because these situations can cause you to question yourself,  your career path, and your faith. But you have to realize that God put you where you are, to do what He knows you can do. and after days like yesterday, you have to trust that you are doing what God needs you to do. even if you feel like you are inadequate.

"Nursing is an art: and if it is to be made an art, it requires an exclusive devotion as hard a preparation, as any painter's or sculptor's work; for what is the having to do with dead canvas or dead marble, compared with having to do with the living body, the temple of God's spirit? It is one of the Fine Arts: I had almost said, the finest of Fine Arts. "
~Florence Nightingale