Letter

Dear Ainsley,

   It is CRAZY to think that this time tomorrow we will be well on our way to meeting you. You have been quite active last night and this morning and I feel like you know you are about to leave the only home you have known. I have been talking to God and asking him to prepare you for what is about to happen. It's going to be scary for both of us but He has promised to be there with us:) He has brought us both through the past 9 months together and He isn't leaving us now, don't worry. 

Your Daddy is so excited to meet you. Finally after months of having me tell him about you second hand, he will get to finally feel and touch you. You are one lucky little girl to get him as your Dad. Trust me, I know because I am one lucky woman to have him as my husband. He is going to spoil you rotten and you will have him wrapped around your little finger. He hopes you look like me.  I think he is a little nervous about having a little girl. So be easy on him;) 

Your family is beyond excited to meet you too. Your Pop & Nana, Pawpee, Grandma, Great Aunts, Great Uncles, Great Grandmas, Great Papa, Uncles, Aunt, and cousins. They are all so happy and can't wait to get their hands on you. You are going to be one loved girl. 

We will probably screw up a lot with raising you. Let's be honest, we have no clue what we are doing. But your dad and I promise to love you unconditionally. No matter what decisions you make, what path you choose or don't choose, we will always love you. In fact neither of us have any idea how much we are going to love you. We think we love you now, but know it's nothing compared to what we are about to feel. 

Your Pop said you are 'packing your bags' and he is right. You are about to enter this world and become the center of ours. We can't wait to meet you sweet baby girl. 

Oh, and if I'm screaming, crying and a hot mess when you meet me, don't worry that's normal :) 

38!

Almost time!!! Or should i say any time! :) 

We are just waiting right now. hospital bags packed, baby clothes washed, plans in place for each night- just in case:)

sweet card from my friend Kelly. I love Curly Girl :)

size: still a watermelon. a really big one:) The Dr measured me and said she thinks she will be a 'nice 7 lb baby'. eek!!!

what is going on with Ainsley this week: she is growing! my skin is stretched to scary limits:) Her brain is still developing at a rapid pace. Her skin has changed from pink to white due to a thicker fat layer that has developed. Her cheeks are getting rounder (and you know if she is my daughter she will have chubby cheeks!) She is still moving a lot but it is more subtle as she pushes and rolls instead of jabs and kicks. Her head is way low and the Dr was surprised at how low she is and said 'you must be so uncomfortable'. yes, yes I am :) 

what is going on with me: we had an appointment last night and found out I am 100% effaced and 1 cm dilated. She said with her head being so low that things might progress a little differently for me ( I wont go into too many details for all you male readers!). She told me when to call her and when to come to hospital. She told me that the pains I am having at night are probably contractions and when they start becoming frequent to time them.
Morning sickness/sickness has come back but not as bad. A few puking episodes this week. Apparently this is common in the end. Right now I just hope I am not puking through labor, I think that would be pretty bad.

I have started 'nesting'. One minute I was in the pantry getting cereal and all of a sudden it was 1.5 hours later and I had two garbage bags full of old food and junk. So then I tackled the cabinet under the sink and cleaned it out. then organized the laundry room. Philip was sleeping and woke up to organization! 'Nesting' for him has entailed getting his other 'baby' (his car) all tuned up with new brakes, tires and who knows what else:) Funny how men and women are so different.

Philip and I tried out a new restaurant for a 'last date night before baby'. The Tulip in Lexington was quite delicious and I would recommend it!

Next week's weekly post might be announcing her arrival!!!

holding tight to this verse:

What I Have Learned

I am getting a little nostalgic about the end of my pregnancy. i mean i feel like I have been pregnant for a long time. and I have really. 37 weeks. that is 15 weeks shy of a year! I wonder how I will feel once she is outside of me. breathing and opening her eyes and being a being. to not just feel her knees and feet wedged in my ribs, but see them wiggle on their own. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around her existing outside of my belly.

I digress. I made a list of things I have learned in the past 37 weeks. 

Things Pregnancy Has Taught Me: 

• feeling your baby move in your belly is one of the weirdest, most perfect feelings in the world. and the first time you feel it you have no idea that is what you are really feeling. people tell me i will really miss it once she is out. I think they are probably right. 
• there is nothing you can do to make morning/all-day sickness go away, especially in the beginning. it is what it is. just keep your mind on the end goal and pray:) no sea bands, ginger drops, preggie pops, or other gimmick helps. in fact prescription meds dont even help. it is like no other nausea you will ever experience. but hopefully you are like me and have a wonderful husband, mom and family who take care of you through it. or at least until you can not sleep on the bathroom floor anymore. 
• never. never. comment on a pregnant woman's belly (or any woman's stomach for that matter) if you simply must comment on her weight gain, use the phrase 'all belly' or 'Ainsley is growing!' although even that, at this point, is pushing it. once the belly reaches a certain point, just dont even draw attention to it:) 
• hormones are the real deal. you will ride an emotional roller coaster and realize in your head you are being crazy, yet there is not a thing you can do about it. keep tissues and mascara with you at all times. 
• take baths. lots and lots of them. but near the end make sure you send a quick text letting someone know there is a chance they might have to come lift you out of the tub if you get stuck. 
• indulge yourself, but not every time you feel like it. if you give in to every craving and amount of food you really want, you will blow up like a cow. its hard, but try to keep it under control. unless you are down 11 pounds from being sick. then it's a free for all. eat whatever sounds good whenever it sounds good.
• pamper yourself. I am not one to spend money on manicures, pedicures, or massages (unless I have a gift card!). but when nothing else about you feels pretty, it is nice to have pretty toes and nails:) go for it. 
• don't feel bad about wearing your husbands sweat pants. then his tshirts. your clothes stop fitting and there is no shame in sporting his clothes. they are way more comfortable. 
• everyone has an opinion. about everything. try to realize they are only telling you because they care about you. but also realize that it is your body,  your family, and your and your husband's decision. 
• people are way nicer to you when you are pregnant. they hold the door for you. they help you down stairs. they smile at you. it's nice:) enjoy it because once the baby is out and you are lugging around a car seat they will let the door shut in your face:) 
• invest in some serious cocoa butter or anti-stretch mark cream. you use it way more than you ever thought possible. plus it helps your skin be not so itchy (and man does it get itchy!) 
• sleeping more than an hour is a thing of the past it seems like. I know people tell me it is getting me ready for when she comes. and maybe they are right, but I can't imagine sleeping any worse than I do right now. it is impossible to get comfortable with a bowling ball attached to you and pulling on your every muscle. 
• God enables your body to stretch, grow and go through things you never thought possible .and I haven't even experienced the biggest part of this yet!. I am sure you women who have pushed babies out are thinking 'honey you aint seen nothin yet'. 
• despite all my whining and complaining-- carrying your child in your belly for 9 months is the most amazing thing I have done up to this point in my life. carrying our daughter that God created from part me, part Philip, is a truly miraculous experience. I feel so blessed to have been given this time to carry her and grow her. 

** if you have not read this girls blog you have got to check it out-- she cracks me up

click here **

37!

Welcome us to 'Full Term'! 

I can't believe we are so close. I know I say that every week but really, we can not believe it! 

size: she is still measuring a watermelon. one website said a bowling ball. that seems to more accurately describe how she feels in there to me. she could be 6-7 lbs and 21 inches long. 

yikes!!! 

what is going on with her this week: Her vernix and lanugo are shedding into her amniotic fluid. She is swallowing the amniotic fluid and some goes into her little intestines. Her lungs are continuing to mature and her brain is developing like crazy these past few weeks. 

She is head down (very low down according to the doctor) and still moving around all the time. 

She is hanging out, cooking for a few more weeks:)

what is going on with me: still uncomfortable but not miserably so. My hips still bother me a lot at night. I am still peeing all the time:) I have started to swell some and while my rings still fit I dont wear them because they are tight at the end of the day ( I dont want my rings cut off of me like we do to people in the ER!) work is becoming more and more challenging to do the things a nurse has to do. but my patients have all been so nice and understanding! 

I could tell you several more 'emotional breakdown' stories from this week but they really aren't that funny anymore. just sad and tiring for Philip I'm sure:) haha

nothing really new from the nurse practitioner this week. hopefully our visit next week will be a little more informative. 

I cringe even putting this picture up!!! yuck:)

Jackson and his personal pillow

Thanks to everyone who has checked on us! We are doing good over here just getting more and more excited and anxious! 

36 weeks!

 We are officially 9 months pregnant! and let me tell you, I feel every bit of it.:) Some people tell me they 'loved being pregnant'. personally, I am not one of those people. Dont get me wrong, I love that my daughter is nestled in my stomach and growing and developing in a healthy way. I am honored that I am able to carry her around and nourish her and take care of her inside of me. I am just not loving all the symptoms that come along with that miracle:) I am, however, not complaining or saying I won't go through it all over again:) 

size: I feel like just yesterday my phone app was telling me that the baby was as small as a poppy seed and cells were rapidly multiplying. today she is a watermelon! i mean, how crazy that there is a baby as big as a watermelon hanging out in my belly. 

a watermelon! holy crap that is coming out of me. 

what's going on with her this week: we got to see her on wednesday! the whole point of the ultrasound was to measure her head. well, she is so low they couldnt get an accurate measurement on her head. and her little butt was wedged up between my ribs. so i was reminded... again.. how short-waisted I am:) we got to see her swallow and put her hands around her face. of course she was squished in my placenta, its her favorite place to be. we got to see her little feet and hands:) and the us tech told us she could see hair! i thought for sure she would be like me and have no hair:) They estimated her weight to be 5lb 10 oz but told us it could be inaccurate. 

her little face

what's going on with me: i am uncomfortable. it's hard to sit down because it's not like she is going to bend when I sit. she just gets pushed up into my ribs. i prefer the supine position lately:) but that is not always feasible. especially at work. I think I am officially starting to waddle. its hard not to when you are on your feet for a whole shift. i am so blessed to not have to work every day though, so I am not complaining! 

I am really tired. I sit down and can barely keep my eyes open. so I am sleeping better:) 

Emotionally I am all over the place. Feeling like 'I can do this' one minute and then freaking out the next minute (thank you whitney for calming me down!). I mean I cried over the cookie sheet not fitting in the dishwasher (sorry honey). welcome to the roller coaster. 

Overall though, I am doing very well. Having pains and symptoms that are new and sometimes scary, but I figure if it's serious I'll know. (or am hoping)

waiting for her to get here!: it is so crazy thinking she could come at any time. we have set up philips phone so that it will only ring/vibrate when I call and he is sleeping. He installed the car seat in the car. We have talked and talked about our 'birth plan', realizing of course that it is not ever going to go the way we would plan for it to. Our current 'birth plan' is just get her out, safely. Whatever that entails:) 

It is overwhelming (ok and a little annoying) how many people want to give you their opinion on how we should do things and the decisions we should make.  But as it has been pointed out to me, this is the first of many decisions philip and I will make based on what is best for our family. I can't dwell or worry about what everyone thinks is best for us (easier said than done). 

No matter when she decides to come or how she decides to come out, we are getting so excited to meet her!

car seat, check! 

where philip found maya sleeping. on her changing pad with her tutu from aunt ellen next to her... 

Maternity Pics

Ok i have entered the overwhelmed-anxious-all kinds of doubts- phase. I go in the nursery all the time looking around thinking 'what else do we need'. I pack and unpack my hospital bag thinking 'what else do I need in here'. I play all kinds of what-if scenarios in my head (like what if my water breaks here in the middle of the grocery or what if my cell phone quits working and I can't call to get help). so yes, I am becoming that crazy pregnant woman. and of course my always-so-calm husband tells me he 'feels ready for this'. um, can you share with me some of that please?! 

However I am loving this song right now, it calms me and helps me realize God is right there with me through all of it. And that He has been, this whole time. Matt Redman, Never Once. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=722zPX1npcA

Anywho, we got our maternity pictures back on Sunday! 

Here are some of our favorites. 

35 weeks!

5 more weeks! maybe less (which is the scary part!)

2 more weeks until we are considered 'term'. 

Last month of being pregnant. I am just shocked to type those words. 

ok people, enough. Your war stories aren't helping my anxiety:) 

size: she could be 19-22 inches. and 5-6 lbs. guess we will found out wednesday! 

what's going on with her this week: I thinks she has started to drop a little bit. I can breathe a little better and her foot is a few inches lower than it was last week. Speaking of her feet, we can literally feel the outline of her heel right under my right breast. and when she kicks it out- it hurts! Philip pushes on her and tells her to 'Be Nice Bean'. but she doesnt listen. ::sigh:: stubborn already:) 

Most of her systems are mature at this point. Her circulation is almost perfected. Her growth will now start to slow down (thank goodness). She gets the hiccups, a lot. and I feel like a bad mother to say I hate when she gets the hiccups. but I really do. 

what's going on with me: I am actually sleeping a little better. I have propped myself up with couch pillows so that the heartburn isn't as bad and wedged myself in between two pillows on both sides. It seems to help:)

no puking this week, and the nausea hasn't been as bad. ptl:) 

This week, Ainsley has started really kicking and punching. Like i said, you can feel her heel a lot of the time. you can feel her butt. sometimes you can feel her back. sometimes you can even see it as she pushes her body parts against my stomach. hard. my stomach bounces around and moves all the time if you just watch it. it feels like the movie "Alien" to me. These are not the cute little flutters and butterflys like week 19. these are almost alarming! I am sure Philip is tired of me jumping and making him feel my stomach and tell me what part of her body she is assaulting me with:) Mom said she just doesn't want me to forget about her in there. AS IF that could happen. 

cravings: Life cereal. 

reflections: I really feel like it was just yesterday that my anxiety was at an all time peak, and I was fretting about miscarriage. I was so scared I didn't even tell my best friends until after we heard her heart beat with the first ultrasound!(very unlike me). And now here we are, almost a month away from meeting our daughter. and becoming parents. It is just so crazy to me. God has been so good to us and we are so blessed and grateful.