BSF

Last September I started something called BSF. Bible Study Fellowship. It's a international, non-denominational bible study that meets every wednesday morning. When i first started, there wasn't any room in the children's program for Ainsley, and she was placed on the waiting list. My mom agreed to watch her for me those mornings, until she could get in.  The first day that I went, the leader I had been assigned met me in the sanctuary at the church it is held at. She introduced me to lots of different women and marched me right up to the front row to sit down. She was the sweetest, most southern woman I had ever met. After prayer, welcome and hymnals, we walked to our assigned room for group time. 8 months ago, I had no idea that those women I met that day would impact me in such a profound way. 
Each week I began to desire my lessons more. I began to make time each day for my lesson, not just cram the whole weeks study into one or two nights. I began to really read my bible, for the first time in my life. The bible because more than just 'advice' and 'stories' to me. I was developing a relationship with someone who lives 2000 years ago. I was getting to know this man who lived a life of love and sacrifice. Things began to 'click' for me. 
Ainsley eventually got into the children's program. and I am so thankful for that. they don't 'babysit' her. they teach her. they love her. they read the bible. they sing bible songs. the children's ministry pray for these kids and invest in them. i volunteered one week and was amazed at how receptive the children are to their 'lessons'. these little people, being quiet and sitting still (shocking in itself), listening to the Word of God. 
Each week, my group of girls began to open up more and more. Some of them talking about things that they had never talked about before. to anyone. we prayed for pregnancies to happen. and they did, 3 times this semester. We prayed for our children. we prayed for each other. for each other's husbands and families. We became transparent in ways that takes years to do with people. but it was so easy for us. God moved in such amazing ways in our group this year. I could go on and on about it. I know this is my first year, and I have nothing else to compare it to. But everyone in my group tells me the dynamics and openness that occurred for us, doesn't happen often. I am so grateful for that. 
So today, the last day of BSF until next fall, was an unexpected emotional day for me. To hear the stories of so many women (all groups met together today) and what they have gone through this year. And how the women in their group helped through it. and how God used the study of matthew to help them. it was so humbling and awing. 
I wanted to articulate to the girls, and to my leader, how much they have meant to me this year. and how incredibly much they have helped me. how listening to them talk about their struggles and fears - helped me deal with my own struggles and fears. when one rejoiced, we all rejoiced. God took women who all came from such different backgrounds, such different lives, and wove us all together to form this bond that strengthened over months. even as i type this I realize i am not accurately conveying what I want to say… 
so I will sum it up with this. going to bsf that morning, not knowing anyone there, was one of the best decisions I have made in a long long time. I am deeply saddened that it is over for the year. But am already looking forward to next year. and I know the women I have friended this year are now a part of my life. 

"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matthew 18:20